While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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