i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
