that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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