just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm always down for nudity.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
