You just made me feel so damn special
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
