Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
