If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
