You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
