At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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