I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
