I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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