do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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