she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
