If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
