cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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