Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
