If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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