then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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