that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
