I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
