Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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