I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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