I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
