I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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