haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
