he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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