omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
