My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
