then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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