RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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