im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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