I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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