in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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