Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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