I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
this will be a night to untag.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
