I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
