So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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