dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
