We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
