Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
