he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
