her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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