We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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