next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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