Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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