Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
