imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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