Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
