whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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