No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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