I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
