Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
