Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
