It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
