I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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