How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
