there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
