So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
