you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
