JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The ass gains better be worth it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
