I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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