dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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