He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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