If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
