my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
