Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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