You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
