Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
