just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
