Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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