All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
