shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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