Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You can't motorboat a personality
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
