This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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