I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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