Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
